


Sometimes You Gotta Lean (Lean on Someone Else)

by fangirl_in_a_trenchcoat



Series: The Phantom Chronicles [6]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV), The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Alex has every right to freak out, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Carrie knows how to handle a crisis, Hurt/Comfort, Luke is ready to marry Julie as soon as she gives him the okay, M/M, Shadowhunter AU, Willie just doesn't want to make him anxious, but he handles it great, but it's mostly the comfort part, he doesn't exactly succeed, this came out angstier than what I was planning, this is not important for this one shot but I felt the need to tag it, werewolf!Willie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28601910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_in_a_trenchcoat/pseuds/fangirl_in_a_trenchcoat
Summary: "I love you too."That was all they had for now. And maybe - at least for now - it was enough.Alex fell asleep with that thought in his head, hoping it had been resolved. Hoping they could just wake up the next day and carry on from there. They definitely needed sleep after everything.But then camelater.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Carrie Wilson, Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson (Background)
Series: The Phantom Chronicles [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079396
Comments: 4
Kudos: 71





	Sometimes You Gotta Lean (Lean on Someone Else)

**Author's Note:**

> I've already put it in the tags, but I'm putting it here too - trigger warnings for: mentions of blood (nothing extremely graphic) and talking about anxiety

Alex turned around just in time to see a seraph blade going through the demon in front of him who burst into flames, revealing Carrie behind it.

"What's on your mind, Lightwood?" Carrie asked, putting the blade back through her belt after its light burnt out.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked her, playing dumb. He knew he'd been a bit more distracted these past few days.

"Okay, let me rephrase," she said as they walked further down the alley they were in, making sure there weren't any more demons lurking around. "Willie said they're taking care of it and will ask for help if needed."

"Yes, I know, but the whole situation is just... It's weird! What's next? Burning warlocks at the stake?"

"Mundanes are weird," Carrie said with a sigh. "But I mean there's not much we can do. They need a warlock, didn't he say he knows someone?"

"Yeah, that's all great and true, but I'm still going to be freaking out about fucking werewolf hunters showing up in Los Angeles out of the blue."

"Nothing a memory wipe spell can't fix..."

"They'll still have the Sight."

"Many mundanes have the Sight. They don't all turn into werewolf hunters," Carrie tried to reason with him even though he was sure she could understand why he was freaking out. Why couldn't mundanes stick to their everyday lives and leave the supernatural stuff up to them? They didn't even understand what they thought they knew or what they were doing and someone was going to get hurt in the end. And if that someone ended up being Willie, Alex was going to take someone's head off.

They surveyed the rest of the area coming up empty handed - thankfully - and Alex took out his phone to see texts both from Reggie and Julie. "The others are already on their way back," he said.

"What time is it?" Carrie asked.

"3:15," Alex said thinking somewhere in the back of his head that Willie must have left work just a few minutes earlier.

"Great, text them we'll be back in a few minutes too," Carrie said as they turned around and started heading back. Alex sent a text on their group chat saying they'd be there in a few, they weren't that far anyway.

It hadn't been long before his phone started ringing. Going on night patrols and having a bartender boyfriend had really taken the pressure off of random 3 am calls - if anything he'd be more nervous if someone called him at 8 am or something - but this time was different.

"Hey," Alex answered, balancing the phone with his shoulder, as he drew another night vision rune over his already fading one.

"Hey, Alex, hi," Willie answered, his voice sounding a bit tighter than usual.

"What's wrong?" Alex immediately asked, holding the phone and stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. Carrie looked at him confused as she stopped in front of him.

"Why do you always assume there's something wrong?" Willie asked, managing to somehow keep a casual vibe, but he couldn't hide the breathlessness off his voice.

"Because I'm the only sensible person in this relationship?"

"Yeah, no, that's a valid point," Willie said with a soft gasp in the end. "Hey, you said you were going out with Carrie tonight, right? Can I talk to her?"

"Carrie?" Alex asked confused.

"Please," Willie actually pleaded with him and Alex was quick to hand the phone to her. Something was obviously wrong and if he wanted to say it to Carrie before him, then so be it.

Carrie took the phone just as baffled as him. "Hello?" she said.

Alex couldn't hear what Willie was saying and Carrie's face didn't betray anything from relief to concern - damn her poker face - but after a few agonizing seconds went by, she finally talked again. "Okay, where are you?" Pause. "Great, yeah, we're not far, we're on our way," she said and hung up giving the phone back to Alex.

"What's wrong? What did he do? Is he hurt? Is he dying? By the Angel, he's dying, isn't he?" Alex started asking questions the second she was done.

"He's not going to die," Carrie said as she started heading to the opposite direction quickly, Alex following her.

"What kind of phrasing is that?" he asked exasperated.

"Okay, look, you know how you're kind of anxious sometimes?"

"Do I know my main quality as a person? Yeah, it rings a bell."

"That's not your main- Okay, not the time. He just didn't want you to freak out," she said as they took a left.

"Clearly not working! What happened?"

"He was shot."

"What?" Alex shouted, almost stopping at the spot, but his mind was working faster than he could catch up, reminding him that they should get there fast. Time to freak out later.

"Alex, I love you, but we need to stay focused, okay? You either take it all out now, or you have to wait until later," she said, neither of them slowing down.

"Later," Alex said, not even a question in his mind. He liked to think he was good at dealing with crisis when it came to the people he loved getting hurt, at least as long as he had something to do. The minute you gave him a moment to think about it he would start shaking, but in the time of need he could keep it together.

Alex noticed how they were getting closer to the bar and momentarily wondered how long had Willie actually waited to call him. He was also wondering whose head he was going to take off, but that was a concern for later.

"He's got to be somewhere around here," Carrie said as they moved in between the buildings, reaching a deserted alley that ended in a dead end. Alex didn't need the night vision rune to realize there was someone lying next to the wall.

His heart skipped a beat, making his whole body go numb for a second, but he recovered just as fast and took off running, falling on his knees right beside Willie. He was vaguely aware of Carrie following and kneeling down on Willie's other side.

"Hey, you came," Willie said with a gasp.

"Next time you're lying blood-covered in a dirty alley, lead with it!" Alex said.

"I seriously doubt the two seconds would have made a differ-" he stopped with a hiss of pain and Alex turned to see Carrie softly touching the wound on his lower abdomen.

"I need to take the bullet out," Carrie said.

"The bullet's still in there?" Alex asked.

"It's silver," Willie said, closing his eyes for a second as he tried to control his breathing and failing.

"What," Alex's voice dropped to a whisper, dread filling him, suddenly feeling much colder than before.

_No, not now._

"This is not really looking up for me, is it?" Willie said.

"Okay, Willie, what's the one thing we've all agreed you're not allowed to do?" Carrie said taking out her balisong.

"Make Alex cry?" Willie gasped.

"Exactly, which means that you can't die unless you want me, Luke and Reggie to have to find your ghost and banish you and you have any idea how much work that is?" she said. "Now, this is going to hurt like hell."

Willie tried to take a deep breath, but coming in short and Alex had no experience with getting shot, but he knew panic when he saw it.

"Okay, okay, hey," he said taking point and turning around to look at Willie, taking hold of his hand from the ground, "look at me, okay? Focus on me."

Willie's eyes found his as Carrie worked to take the bullet out. Alex didn't need to know how exactly she was going about it, he was just grateful. He somehow found the courage to smile at him, he had no idea how, it was one of the few times his mind had agreed to cut him some slack until this was over. He really was good at working under pressure.

"You're staying in the Institute tonight," he told him.

"I-I can't," Willie started to say, but stopped, holding his breath with his eyes shut, as Carrie presumably did something behind Alex.

"You can and you will or else I'm gonna go insane and I have to go on patrol on Thursday again, I need my head in place," he said, keeping his voice somewhat steady.

He thought he noticed the ghost of a smile on Willie's lips, but it was gone just as he yelped in pain, crushing Alex's hand - who was momentarily reminded of what actual werewolf strength felt like and how much Willie usually held back. 

It ended just as fast as it came, Willie's grip on Alex's hand loosening as he managed to take deeper breaths than before. Alex breathed out and turned just in time to see Carrie putting her balisong away, her hands covered in blood. It wasn't as much as he'd expected, but it still made him feel uneasy. His eyes met hers, a silent question of _are you okay?_ Carrie could handle a lot more than most of them could, that didn't mean she had to though.

She gave him a little nod, taking a deep breath too. "I'm okay," she said, "we should get back though, even with the bullet gone the silver will have still slowed the healing down."

Alex looked over at the wound, noticing the bleeding had come to a stop. It wasn't enough, but it meant that the healing was actually working and they could maybe start getting back.

"You think you can get up?" he turned back around to ask Willie.

Willie took a second to answer, but eventually nodded. "Yeah," he said, "yeah, okay."

Carrie caught his other arm and they all carefully came to a stand, wrapping their arms around Willie's waist in the middle, Alex careful not to touch the wound. They started walking, taking a right on the edge of the alley, avoiding to move through the main streets. It was really late, but they couldn't risk falling into any mundanes.

"My apartment is the other way," Willie said.

"That's great, we're still going to the Institute," Alex said.

"Alex, you can't just," he cut himself off with a hiss, but eventually continued, "you can't bring a werewolf into the Institute like that."

"Says who?" 

"I don't know, the law?"

"Ah well, _lex malla, lex nulla_ ," Alex said with a shrug.

"This is the part where I remind you that not all of us took latin in high school," Willie said.

"This is the part where I remind you I didn't go to high school," Alex shot back, relishing in the familiar banter for a few seconds.

"I still have no idea what it means."

"It means that he hangs out with Luke way too much," Carrie piped in.

"It's the Blackthorn family motto," Alex explained. "A bad law, is no law."

"Do you just- just use it whenever you don't like something?" Willie asked, Alex's arm holding him a bit tighter when he felt him leaning into him more.

"No... There's a good reason," Alex said. "I blame Julian actually."

"And anyway, no one's really going to say anything. I'm guessing most of the Institute is asleep or on patrol by now," Carrie said. "You do know Alex is right, you shouldn't stay alone tonight."

"Werewolf healing works better than your runes, you know," Willie said, Alex noticing a smile on his face that made the pressure building on his chest ease up a bit.

"Dissing on angelic magic? Not cool, dude," Carrie said but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

They were getting closer to the Institute, obviously taking more time than usual since they couldn't walk properly. They were about five minutes away when Alex heard his phone ringing. He carefully grabbed it from his pocket, seeing it was Luke. He also saw the five missing calls that got him confused. Was he so out of it he hadn't even heard it ringing?

"Luke?" he answered, hoping nothing else had gone terribly wrong tonight.

"If you're alive, answer your damn phone!" Luke shouted on the other end of the line.

"Why wouldn't we be alive?" Alex asked confused.

"Are you kidding me right now? No, really, are you? You said you would be here half an hour ago!" Luke kept shouting. "Carrie's phone is off, neither of you is answering texts anymore, and we've already called you five times!"

"Okay, okay, you're right, we're on our way, we'll be there in about five minutes," Alex said. The irony of the situation where Luke was the one freaking out about him wasn't lost on him.

"Will you? What happened?" Luke asked now more concerned than angry.

Alex hesitated. They weren't exactly sure what had happened yet and how Willie had ended up shot in an alley, but it also wasn't the right time to ask. "Willie was hurt, so we're bringing him back to the Institute."

"What? What happened? Is he okay?"

"I'm fine," Willie answered probably having heard the whole conversation, "and I still think this is illegal or something."

"What's illegal?" Luke asked confused.

"A werewolf staying in the Institute," Alex said with a sigh.

"Is that illegal?" Luke asked. "Reg! Is it illegal for a werewolf to stay here?" he shouted over to Reggie who must have been somewhere near him. "Reggie says no."

"See?" Alex said looking at Willie. "And Reggie has the entire Codex memorized so he's the only credible source, really."

"Also, you know, a lot of laws are stupid," Luke said over the phone.

"Exactly," Alex agreed, " _lex malla, lex nulla_ ," they said at the same time.

"Hey! There you go," Luke said and he could hear the smile on his voice. 

"You know, no offense or anything," Willie said, "but you Shadowhunters are kind of weird."

"I'm sure that's just because you've only met us, there are definitely saner people out there," Carrie said confidently.

"Hey!" Alex protested. "Okay, Luke, we're almost there, I'm hanging up," he said and did just that. 

A couple of minutes later they were going through the Institute gates, Alex feeling just a bit more relieved to be in a familiar place. They went up the front steps and before either of them could move to open the door, it did so on itself revealing Reggie.

"What happened?" he asked looking concerned as he ushered them to the infirmary.

"That's a great question," Alex said.

"Look, if anyone from the pack could have helped, I wouldn't have even bothered you," Willie said.

"See, I know, you know this is not the right thing to say," Alex said as they helped him sit down on one of the beds.

"I'm gonna go clean up because this is kind of disconcerting," Carrie said gesturing to her overall appearance, "you got this?"

Alex and Reggie nodded at the same time Willie said, "Thank you."

"Anytime," Carrie said with a smile as she was leaving, "just please don't make a habit out of it."

"So, what did happen?" Alex asked as Reggie gathered a few of the medical supplies.

"Yeah, so, you remember when we were talking about those so-called werewolf hunters?" Willie tried to start out casually.

"Oh my God, I'm going to jail..." Alex muttered, the sudden realization going through his head.

Reggie chuckled from a few feet away.

"My impending incarceration amuses you?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I just think it's cute how you've picked up more mundane expressions from Willie," he said with a smile handing him some gauze.

"Should I start saying 'by the Angel' to balance it out?" Willie offered with a smile and Alex just bowed his head, blushing.

"Okay, let's just- make sure you don't die or something," Alex said in a quieter, shy voice, avoiding his eyes, but knowing full well Willie was grinning at him.

It wasn't until a few seconds later that they heard someone running and Luke almost crushed into the doorframe in his attempt to stop. "What happened?" he shouted looking in between all of them.

"Are you okay?" Willie asked, genuinely curious.

"Carrie was covered in blood!" Luke said pointing somewhere outside on the hallway.

"She was not _covered_ in blood..." Alex said.

"What happened?" Luke insisted.

"Well, Willie's fine and Alex is going to jail," Reggie said.

"Why is Alex going to jail?"

"I'm guessing he's going to kill a mundane," Reggie answered as if everything was completely fine.

"Oh, babe, please don't kill anyone," Willie said.

"We'll see," Alex said trying to shake off the nerves he knew were going to blow up on his face later.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Willie asked from his seat on Alex's bed as said Shadowhunter rummaged through his closet.

"Looking for something for you to wear that's not covered in blood," Alex said as he looked through his clothes.

"If it's not pink, I don't want it," Willie said, the teasing tone evident in his voice, so Alex grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants and a black shirt and threw them with admirable accuracy on his boyfriend's face. It only worked to make Willie chuckle. "Hey! I've been looking for that shirt for two weeks now," he said as soon as he noticed he clothes.

"You found it," Alex said with a cheeky smile as he moved closer and sat on the bed. "Black's not really my color."

"Yeah..." Willie said as he took his shirt off careful not to strain his wound anymore. Alex was quiet for a few seconds, but he had to ask, he still hadn't gotten a full answer about how exactly they had ended up here.

"What happened today?" he asked softly.

Willie sighed. "Just mundanes... being scared..."

"That-" Alex started. "You were shot," he said the words almost too painful to get out, "that doesn't just happen."

"It's nothing a memory wipe spell can't fix and we were supposed to start working on that tomorrow. Look, we... we almost lost people because of this and I was really hoping it wouldn't go this far, I mean a random mundane showing up out of the blue to take a shot because this will somehow fix... I don't know what they have in mind, but I'm glad it was me there."

"How can you say that?" Alex looked at him exasperated.

"Because," Willie said giving him a warm smile, "I have you. And I know I can count on you at any given minute, but most of the rest of the pack? They don’t have that many people outside of us. And you don’t call a werewolf when your problem is silver."

Alex looked at him for a second, his expression softening, before he leaned in and kissed him. "I love you," he breathed out as he pulled back, inches away from him. "Just..." He didn’t know what to say. Be careful? Willie hadn’t done anything wrong today. If anything Alex was the one to put himself in danger constantly. Then again it was his job, he couldn’t do anything about that.

Demons, he could handle. Mundanes though... 

He felt Willie's hand cupping his cheek as he looked at him. "I know," he said as if he could hear what Alex was thinking, all the insecurities about their everyday lives. "I love you too."

That was all they had for now. And maybe - at least for now - it was enough.

Alex fell asleep with that thought in his head, hoping it had been resolved. Hoping they could just wake up the next day and carry on from there. They definitely needed sleep after everything.

But then came _later_.

Alex's eyes opened so abrupt, he just knew it’d barely been an hour ever since they’d fallen asleep. He hadn’t startled Willie - and thank the Angel for that because if Willie didn’t get some sleep after what had happened, Alex was gonna be the one to flip.

Alex turned around, looking at the ceiling and taking a deep breath. He knew he wasn’t just gonna have a peaceful night of sleep, he knew this was gonna hit him full force when he'd finally relaxed and everything around him was just quiet and fine, but he’d still hoped.

It was over and Willie was fine and right there, sleeping beside him, but Alex could still remember the blood and the scream and just the oh so simple _This is not really looking up for me, is it?_ as if Alex would just go along with that.

He really needed to distract himself with something before his thoughts got the better of him.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, looking at the time, 4:45 am. Everyone should be asleep by now, but there was still a possibility that Luke was awake. Part of Alex wished he wasn’t because that boy needed a better sleep schedule, but part of him desperately needed him to be fussing over a new lyric or melody.

He sent him a text, testing the waters.

_Are you awake?_

It didn’t take long for his phone to chime back.

_It depends, are you going to get mad if I say yes?_

Alex smiled. He dialed his number.

"Hello!" came Luke’s cheery voice on the other end. Where did he find the energy at 4:45 am? "There's a song for you to learn," he added.

"How fast do you generate new songs?" Alex asked knowing full well Luke and Julie had talent, but still surprised at the amount of new melodies they'd gone through during the past six months.

"Sometimes things just happen, Alexander, and you just have to go with it," Luke answered, his tone a bit overdramatic.

"Okay..." Alex shook his head, a quiet chuckle escaping from the tension he felt inside him, not wanting to wake up Willie beside him. He rubbed a hand over his face with a tired sigh. He really needed to relax.

"You're okay?" he heard Luke ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Alex said as almost a reflex, although technically it was only half a lie. Or like 60%. "It's just been a weird night..." he said with a sigh. "Aren't you tired?"

"Sleep is for the weak," Luke answered making him smile despite everything.

"Dude, you should really go spend some time with your girlfriend," he said.

"Yeah, sure, okay," Luke said with a laugh and suddenly his voice sounded more distant than before. Alex heard a soft piano melody on the background and realized he'd put him on speaker. "Jules, Alex thinks I'm neglecting you!" he said.

"Hi, Alex," Julie called from probably her usual seat in front of the piano. "Sleep is overrated."

"You two are really made for each other," Alex said.

"Thank you!" Luke said, his voice once again a bit overly moved. "This earns you suggenes points you know."

"Luke, I'm not getting married at eighteen," Julie said.

"That's not a general no though," Luke pointed out.

"Alex has seniority anyway," she said.

"I have what now?" Alex asked caught off guard that he was pulled into the conversation.

"For like a month, it doesn't count," Luke said.

"Okay, you have my permission to get married first," Alex said humoring the absurdity of their exchange.

"Don't encourage him!" he heard Julie.

"He doesn't need my encouragement, I'm sure he already knows how he's going to propose," he said.

"I'm going back to my song," Julie said with a resigned sigh, "you can join us if you want to, we really need to start fleshing some of these songs out," she added and even though Alex couldn't see her, he could sense the smile and warmth in her voice. Julie had a way of making them all feel welcomed and accepted. 

"You wanna come over?" Luke asked him, his voice now clearer as Alex imagined he'd taken him off speaker.

"No, I..." Alex started. "It's okay," he said. He didn't want to leave Willie alone even if he was just sleeping.

"You want me to come over?" Luke asked instead, ready to do so if Alex just so much as asked.

Alex smiled slightly. "It's okay, Luke, really. I just needed to hear someone talk. I'm exhausted anyway, I'm gonna go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Alex said still partially lying - to Luke or to himself, he wasn't sure -, "and you should too. It's almost 5."

"Oh come on..."

"I'm seriously concerned about you two, don't come at me for worrying about your well-being."

"That's like, emotional blackmail," Luke said with a pout (Alex had known him for too long to know that he was definitely pouting like a five year old right now).

"No, that's me caring about you," he said, "please sleep."

"Fine..." Luke said grumpily, "also, you know you don't have to check that I'm awake before you call, right?"

Alex hesitated. Because yes, both Luke and Reggie and even Carrie after she'd joined them had given him permission, well more like made him promise, to just call or come over no matter the time, but he still felt like a burden at times. He knew that wasn't how the others saw it, he knew if he told them that they would refute it without a second thought, these were all things he was well aware of. And he knew he had anxiety, he knew most of the whispers in his head didn't really amount to anything, but he also knew they tended to become loud and drown everything else around him until they left him behind an insecure mess with nothing to hold onto.

But these were all things he knew. And now wasn't the time to get into that.

"Yeah," he eventually said, "yeah, I know."

"Also you know, Reggie and I are not going to let you go to jail alone," he added making Alex snort. He quickly turned around to look at Willie beside him who was still sound asleep.

"Goodnight, Luke," Alex said.

"Okay, fine, you convinced me, we'll go to sleep," Luke said. "Goodnight," he added.

Alex hung up and let the phone fall beside him on the bed. His arm came over his eyes as he took a deep breath. He was supposed to sleep, yes, okay, great suggestion, how do you fall asleep?

His head was still buzzing with everything and he had no idea how to just make it stop. Because sure, talking to Luke and Julie was great, it was a disraction for these few moments where he could just focus on them and not himself for a little while. He was still tired, he knew as much, he wanted to go back to sleep, it was 5 am and he was exhausted. But he couldn't. 

Not when he closed his eyes and tried to force himself to calm down and all it did was make him feel worse. Because how was he just supposed to brush past everything that had happened today? 

He could focus on the outcome because yes, Willie was fine and he was right there beside him, sleeping. The mundanes were a problem, but he knew a warlock, he'd said they were supposed to fix everything tomorrow, so at least there was a plan for this to not happen again. Things were going to go back to normal after that. If it worked.

But that wasn't the point and Alex was mad at himself that he could simultaneously pinpoint exactly what his problem was, but also couldn't understand it. Because what was the point in freaking out over something that had already come to pass?

He sat up with a sigh, bringing his arms around his knees, his head resting on them. He tried not to think about it, he knew he shouldn't, he knew if he could stop he would calm down and maybe he could sleep because he was exhausted and God, he just need sleep. But in order to sleep he had to will his mind to calm down and in order to do that he had to stop thinking about the blood and about Willie being shot and alone and wow the silence was not really working in his favor...

He felt tears running down his face. He wasn't sure when he'd started crying, but he knew he just couldn't stop. And it wasn't like he was sobbing or bawling his eyes out, it was quiet and he was quiet and he just needed for the tension to get out. Sure, it wasn't pleasant, but he couldn't help how he felt.

He curled further into himself as he sniffled against his knees. What was he supposed to do? Demons, he could handle, he knew what to do, but this? This was new to him, it was different, he didn't know how he was supposed to handle it and if he didn't know what to do, if there was _nothing_ he could do, how was he supposed to protect the people he loved?

A small sob escaped him, but it came out muffled. He raised his head, using his sleeve to wipe his eyes and just tiredly passing a hand over his face.

"Alex?"

Alex's head snapped around to find Willie sitting up with a wince.

"Shit, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Alex looked at him worried.

"Alex," Willie said softly as he moved closer, brushing a tear away from Alex's cheek with his thumb, "what's wrong?"

Alex looked at him for a second wanting nothing more than to just fall into him and stay there, where it was safe. Where he knew that Willie was fine and safe and there with him. But Willie was hurt and this wasn't about Alex, he couldn't just make himself comfortable like everything was okay.

"It's fine," he said quietly, trying to make it out like it wasn't a big deal. Like he wasn't sitting there crying in the middle of the night.

Willie caught his wrist softly and tugged him along with him as he fell back down. They lied on the bed, their faces a few inches apart, looking at each other.

"I'm okay," Willie said quietly.

"I know," Alex said, looking for a way to explain this when he couldn't explain it himself. Sometimes things were just too much and it took a toll on him. It wasn't like Willie didn't know that about him, they'd been together for six months, he'd been present and talked him down from many panic attacks here and there, but this was different. He wasn't panicking, or maybe he was, but it'd evolved into something else because right now he just felt... lost.

"I don't know what to do," he eventually whispered looking at Willie.

"About what?" Willie asked him confused. Alex was well aware how his hand had slipped into his, intertwining their fingers together, gaining some reassurance from it.

"I..." Alex breathed out. "I can handle demons, I've been doing it for a while now, I'm good at that. I can help with that. But this, I just-" he stopped, holding back a sob. "I don't know what to do here," he added quieter, trying to keep his voice level.

"Alex, baby, there isn't something you _have_ to do. I mean there isn't anything for you to do, really, we have a warlock's help, case closed."

"You were _shot_ , Willie," Alex said, his voice breaking. "Case very much not closed."

"I know how you feel," Willie said as he moved a strand of hair away from Alex's eyes. "You go out on patrol every other night with a guarantee that sometimes you're gonna have to fight something and sometimes you might even get hurt. And you're good at what you do so thank God for that, but it's still terrifying if I really stop and think about it."

"Willie, I-"

"It's your job, I know. And I knew that when I met you and I still knew it when we started dating. It's been six months and you're okay, you're always okay, but I still get scared that one day my phone is gonna ring and it will be Luke or Reggie or Carrie and something awful will have happened."

Alex didn't know what to say. It wasn't the first time Willie had expressed concern about his well-being given how he spent most of his time, but it almost felt like he was seeing everything in a whole new light. Because sure, he hated it when his friends got hurt, but he'd learned how to deal with it because it was part of their lives, but Willie? He wasn't supposed to be caught up in this.

"I never thought I'd have to see you like this," Alex said. "And I'm relieved you called, I mean I would have given you hell if you didn't" - Willie smiled - "but between the two of us you were supposed to be safe. I never thought I'd have to worry about mundanes."

"Yeah," Willie said with a humorless chuckle, "that was definitely new. But you still came through for me. Your friends are coming through for me. I should buy Carrie a knife or something to say thank you."

Alex smiled slightly, but it fell. "We came through _after_ the fact."

" _The second_ I called you."

Alex sighed, looking down at their hands. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "sometimes things just get to be too much and I can't get out of my own head."

"Hey," Willie said, his hand moving to the the side of Alex's face. "I know, it's okay. We live in a weird world, we just have to adjust."

"I can't... I can't promise that nothing will ever go wrong," Alex said tentatively. It didn't matter how careful he was, things could get out of conrol at any given minute and he could get hurt. It was something he'd accepted long ago, he'd gotten scratches, bruises, broken bones, concussions, the whole package. It wasn't a pleasant thing to be aware of, but there was no guarantee when he was out in the field no matter how good they were. And sure, as the years have gone by they'd been getting better, but they couldn't afford to get cocky.

"I know," Willie said, "but in a smaller scale, neither can I."

"But I don't want you to be waiting for the phone call of doom either. I mean I have some kind of grace out there," Alex added, trying to lighten things up. He could feel the pressure on his chest lifting off, reminding him that he was still exhausted and he needed sleep, but he didn't want to leave things on a sad note.

"I've noticed," Willie said with a smile. "You'd be my first choice if I ever came upon a demon. Or needed a band to play at the bar."

"You're looking to close up shop? Because no one's coming to see a band of Shadowhunters playing in a werewolf hot spot," Alex said making Willie laugh.

"I'm sure Luke would jump on the chance," he said.

"He'd become _your_ suggenes if you did that," Alex muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"What?" Alex repeated, blushing. "Nothing, I'm tired, goodnight," he said and closed his eyes promptly.

He heard Willie chuckle again and felt him pulling him closer. Alex would be all for cuddling if he wasn't aware of the very prominent injury he himself had wrapped in bandages.

"I don't want to hurt you," Alex said opening his eyes and looking up at Willie.

"Injury on the left, you on the right, perfectly balanced as all things should be."

"What?" Alex asked confused.

Willie sighed dramatically. "We really need to invest some more time in watching movies," he said and Alex finally let him pull him closer, resting his head on his chest, still careful not to cause him anymore pain. "Your pop culture knowledge is horrendous."

"Might be because I don't have any."

"I know, how do you people live without technology?"

"We have phones," Alex defended quietly as his eyes slipped closed. "And Dru has some movies around here," he added, his voice softer as the exhaustion his brain had been fighting off started catching up with him.

"There's more to life than horror movies," Willie said, knowing Dru for longer than he did Alex.

All Alex could do was hum in agreement when a hand found its way through his hair. He felt himself becoming more and more distant as the seconds went by, barely hearing the 'goodnight' somewhere in the back and whispering 'night' back himself.


End file.
